The Silence of Infertility
I have invited Rachel McGrath, author of “Finding the Rainbow”, to share why she was compelled to write her memoir of her fertility journey in this new book, available on www.amazon.co.uk from May 21st.
You see I’m one of those many women in the world who has suffered from the misfortune of infertility, miscarriage and early pregnancy loss. I have no children, and I may never have the opportunity to be mum. As a woman in her late thirties, I’ve come to the realisation that perhaps now after so much anguish and strain, I have to find an alternative.
This situation has an interesting development and it depends who you talk to. My husband tells me he will love me no matter if we grow old together – alone, or if we are lucky enough to eventually procreate successfully. Friends will tell me that its ok, we have other options – adoption among other things. Others will encourage us to enjoy our lifestyle, one that appears carefree without responsibility. Whatever the future may hold, we cannot foresee which direction to take, and it’s all those possibilities that keep me awake at night.
This topic, infertility, is a particular subject that many women do not feel comfortable openly speaking about it, even to the closest of friends. Men, to that point, tend to avoid the matter altogether.Why is it such a taboo subject?
Even myself, I find it difficult to discuss in conversation, and yet putting it on paper seems as natural as day and night. Somehow, in someway, I feel that I’ve failed. I realise it sounds a little ridiculous, but I feel that I cannot fulfil what Mother Nature intended. Knowing and connecting to others who have had similar experiences somehow appeases those feelings of self-disappointment, but everyone has their own version to share.
I look around me in my workplace, or even as I’m in a crowded place, and I wonder, how many of the women around me are grieving silently today? How many have shared a similar pain to mine? It feels sometimes like a hidden secret, and yet I know how all consuming the pain can be at its very worst.
I’m not recognised as a mother, and I don’t have the joys of seeing a little person grow. But I am a mother and always will be, to four little angels who were taken before their time. It’s not my fault, its no ones. That’s the strength of Mother Nature, and it is what makes our lives so fragile. Yet I’ll continue to explore the possibilities, look to the future, and remain hopeful.”
To read more about Rachel, please visit www.findingtherainbow.net